no. 6 | "my life is too short not to love the story that God has for me"

 
my husband & i started a new videography workshop series last night created by the quirky, adorable team at haugen creative. 

we laughed. we discussed. we agreed. we learned.
i even took notes! i felt like i was back in college sitting in on a lecture. 

side note: it's impossible for me to note take without doodles. 

so, after tyler went to bed. 

i browsed pinterest for a bit & thought..."i need to blog." 

so there i sat, late at night, trying to collect my thoughts as i jotted them down in my "notes" app on my phone. 

five years ago i was a college student pursuing a passion in teaching. 

one year ago i was a senior in college anticipating graduation, finally getting to hold my long-awaited degree in my hands, & leaping at the thought of having a classroom of my very own in the near future!

i worked my butt off for each of those four years that i pursued a degree in elementary education.
i know that there's a quote floating around out that there says "those who can't do...teach," but, my goodness, is that far from the truth.
i can't explain how many hours were put into lesson planning, grading papers, working on IEP's.
or, not to mention, how much money you drop on hands on materials, "teachers pay teachers", or snacks for little ones who come to school with empty bellies.
or how about the work you take home with you, the assessing, & the worrying sick about each of those individual students you grow to love as your own. 

are they hungry? do they have a warm bed to sleep in? does their parent/guardian hug them before bedtime? have they ever heard the words "i love you?" 

it was the most rewarding kind of exhausting. & i was just a student teacher. 

i couldn't imagine what a full-time, employed educator experiences.

for those four years, i fell in love with teaching & started planning out my life as a teacher. 

but, it was around this time last year, that my heart & gut were hit with this crazy, new feeling that maybe i was meant to do something a little different than i had always had planned for myself. 

there i was...smack dab in the middle of my last few weeks of student teaching, in tears, talking to my advisor about possibly feeling like i was meant to do something else. 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY IS MY HEART NOT LEAPING OUT OF MY CHEST AT THE THOUGHT OF BEING THIS CLOSE TO MY "DREAM"?

you see, my husband & i were also new to the wedding videography world at the time. 

we were just getting started.
a few weddings here & there.

& it had completely stolen my heart. 

& my heart knew that.

i still remember the conversation i had with my advisor that day & will forever hold it close to my heart. 

with tear-filled eyes & a lump in my throat - 

"i'm just afraid that i've wasted so many people's time & money. i don't want to disappoint anyone."

there it was.
my fear of disappointing people.
i'm a people-pleaser & the fear of disappointing someone is something that crutches me a lot in life. 

but my advisor looked at me, handing me a tissue from a box sitting beside him, & said: 

"nothing has been lost. God has plans for you & it's OKAY if this isn't it. you have a bright, strong, smart head on your shoulders, you know? He is going to see you through."

i can't explain how thankful i am, still...to this day, for that conversation with my advisor. 

the fact that God so carefully placed him in my life during a time of confusion & feeling like i would be letting down so many of my family & friends. 

but, here i am. 

almost an entire year later...

a FULL-TIME wedding cinematographer who is anticipating 30 weddings THIS SUMMER. 

who gets to work from home & alongside her HUSBAND!!! {praise hands galore!}

& gets to use her creativity to bring joy & sweet memories to marriages. 

i battled with God throughout the entire time i was student teaching. 

"no, God. i'm supposed to do THIS not THAT."

really allison, what were you thinking?

"for I know the plans I have for YOU, declares the LORD."
jeremiah 29:11

it's when i finally took up my pride. finally set aside MY wants & accepted HIS. 

when i said "it's okay if nobody understands."

& took the leap into wedding cinematography...

that i found joy & peace in this decision. 

{a decision that was never truly mine to make to begin with! the LORD knows our needs!}
no, my life would not look the way that i had planned for it to. 

yes, people would question & sometimes mock it. 

but me? i would know that, as crazy as it seems,  this is what i was made to do.

i can say that there are days still filled with struggle. 

it's tough. 

i did not grow up with a heart invested in all thing videography.
i did not study media production in college.
i still don't know proper terminology for my camera...even a year later.
oopsss. the husband is helping me out with this one. 
i still struggle that people will not take my heart for this job seriously.
or just take my job seriously, period.

i'm still learning how to edit in final cut pro.

& sometimes my footage is still shaky. 

but i'm learning it's OKAY. 

God has filled my life with a peace that this is where I'm meant to be & He will guide me every step of the way. 

so, for any of you who might be struggling...take heart. 

no matter where you are in life. or what you end up doing. 

you are significant. 

maybe you set out to be a brain surgeon...but you felt called to ministry in africa. 

maybe you studied dental hygiene...but you found your passion as a police officer. 

maybe you went to school to be an accountant...but you knew your passion was in the arts.
maybe you were a successful cosmetologist...but decided you would rather stay at home & love on your babies.

or MAYBE you thought your plan was to be an elementary school teacher...and you now find yourself filming weddings on the weekends. 

it's not about WHAT you do, it's about HOW you do it. 

whatever you DO, do it with so much JOY & LOVE in your heart. 

  "so whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
-1 Corinthians 10:31

xoxo,

lovely photos taken by: dani ford photography